And why I came here, this far?
Separated from you
--and I miss you so much --
What was it
that gave me this
determination
before I could choose?
-- so painfully severed --
Like I wanted to be born
to just be left alone,
as if a child would refuse
being picked up to loving arms.
-- I would not resist when you touch me ---
Why am I bleeding,
why you have wounds?
Can I just give up
and let you eat me?
Would I then feel the love
-- I need it so much,
is that why I can't have it? --
So I love these scavengers,
pitch black ravens,
wolves at leisure,
-- maybe I can sleep
with a grizzly-bear
until the spring and ferocious
hunger --
the bottom feeders that come to me
when I dive all the way down
in the black water,
peat bog darkness,
like ancient ghosts
pickled in acids
waiting to be reborn
in stead of being
like sacks
of mummified leather
holding brittle'd fibers
inside
too rigid to caress
I swear, they come to lick
my tears with tongues like tiger's
and in return I tattoo my name
on their lips
with infernal black ink,
my blood and marrow,
it is not decadent to swallow,
and wash down with ash-water
after we burned it all
and have nothing else left
but a scarred heart
and a freely squirming spine
ready to twist
as much as it takes
to do what needs to be done
for another day,
another life
in a future
that will remain
like tomorrow,
not yet here
but patiently waiting
the passing of these moments
and our duty to survive
to be passed on
under the same stars,
here, where talk of the devil
blends with the dust
moved with the wind
that grinds every crust
to the same shreds
that never stop moving.
Or do you have a passion
to stop it moving?
And if so, why is that?
Who are you, then,
for that?
Why would you want to stop moving
-- so that the wind could take you?
Sad beyond reason
to refuse like that
and resist all but entropy.
Oh, shiver and flake
off and out
casually with the bites of time.
Sent that wish
to have at least been
against merciless odds
for a moment defiant
but sure to give up,
let go and release
the remains
back to the world.
(Even the body was never mine.)
